When someone says these words to us, it usually puts us on guard.
One thing that I have learned from being an aide in a classroom for kids with Autism (from an amazing BCBA) is that it is best to try to avoid those negative words to the best of our ability. If a child is in danger, then of course those would be the first words chosen.
I have seen, first hand, how changing our vocabulary from what we don’t want a child doing… TO what we want them to do, has a better outcome most every time.
Instead of saying “Stop running through the classroom”, say “I would like for you to come sit down.” using gentle redirection with the words.
Instead of saying “Don’t touch that”, say “Please put your hands down”, or “here so and so, take this”.
Instead of saying “No you can’t have that”, say “First we do this, then you can have that”, or “you can have that at _________(insert time)”.
These are things we can use with kids with Autism or NT kids. We all prefer a good redirection over an ass chewing any day!